Why Most Parents Accidentally Hold Their Young Adult Back (and How to Stop)

Latest PostsWhy Most Parents Accidentally Hold Their Young Adult Back (and How to Stop)

As parents, we want nothing more than to see our young adults happy, confident, and capable of living life on their own. But here’s the truth few people talk about—sometimes the very things we do to help are the same things that keep them stuck.
I know because I’ve been there. As an autistic adult and a parent of four neurodivergent young adults, I’ve lived both sides of this struggle. It’s not about lack of love or effort—it’s about our instinct to protect colliding with their need to grow.

The Trap of “Helping Too Much”

When your child struggles with executive functioning, anxiety, or low confidence, stepping in feels natural. You remind them of deadlines. You finish their sentences in social settings. You handle the phone calls, the job applications, the scheduling.
And at first, it helps. But over time, they start to believe:

“I can’t do this without help.”

That belief becomes the biggest barrier to independence.

The Shift That Changes Everything

Instead of being the rescuer, become the coach. A rescuer fixes problems for their child. A coach asks questions, sets structure, and empowers their child to solve problems themselves.Instead of saying,

“Here’s what you need to do.” Try asking,

“What’s one small step you could take today?”

Instead of tracking every appointment, let them take the lead and support their system-building.

Why This Works

When your young adult learns to take ownership—even in small ways—they build self-trust. And self-trust is the foundation of confidence and independence.
It’s not about perfection. It’s about progress. One tiny win at a time.

Your Action Step

This week, choose one area where you normally take control—then step back and coach instead. Ask questions. Offer guidance. Celebrate effort.
You’ll be amazed at how much confidence they gain when they start doing for themselves.
Because your role isn’t to protect forever—it’s to prepare.

If you want a step-by-step roadmap to guide your young adult toward independence, download my free guide:
“5 Key Steps to Launch Your Young Adult into Independence.”